Fondness and Admiration

From this week’s reading, I really appreciated and enjoyed the section about fondness and admiration in the relationship. In any kind of relationship, not just in marriage, we have to focus on the good. If we are only focusing on the bad, then we will all be miserable and never progress. Remembering the positive aspect along with the negative reminds me of a row boat. Knowing that it is impossible to remove all the negativity from our lives, if we are only focusing on the negative, then its like we are paddling with one ore and going in circles, In order to get the row boat to move forward, we have to compensate the negative with the positive to create balance.

Where there is still fondness and admiration in the relationship, then there is still hope. Being able to remember the good times and more specifically, the reasons that a couple fell in love in the first place, will help the couple to prevent contempt (one of the marriage killing horsemen).

Considering the fact that I am single, I threw a question out to my fellow classmates: What practices, besides the questionnaire given in the book, can help us to stay in touch with the positive feelings in the relationship?  I was given to valuable responses. The first said that is important to continue to flirt with your spouse. She stated that this an aspect of dating that is easily lost once you are married and the newlywed stage is behind you. It helps your spouse to be reminded that they are desired and it can also be fun for you. The second response stated that it is important to be in a mode of creating new memories in your relationship. With this in important it is important to establish and maintain a date night and be more creative than just going to dinner and a movie. While those things are nice, it does not create opportunities to stretch your relationship and continue to learn new things about your spouse.