Manifestation of Pride in Marriage

This week’s reading covered the topic of letting your partner influence you and what that really means. For hundreds of years, society has taught us that men are the head of the house and therefore have dominion over their wives and children. This point of power often turns men, and sometimes women, into bullies rather than partners. It is their way or the highway. When speaking about marital partnerships, John Gottman referred to the term of partner influence rather than power in the home or “who wears the pants” as we sometimes like to say. I really like this terminology because it insinuates that we take the thoughts and opinions of our spouse into account by giving them a voice and the ability to influence you without overpowering you as an individual. I have never liked it when men say “let me ask my wife” because that references to me a parent/child relationship but stating “let me talk to my wife” denotes an equal partnership. I heard a mantra once that plays part into this idea. It stated that others can give me their opinions but only I can decide what meaning that opinion has in my life. This is a respectful way of stating that we gather information from those around us respectfully before making our own decision. Standing in our truth without disrespecting anyone else in the process.

Accepting the influence of your spouse does not mean that you are admitting defeat and giving them all of power in the relationship. In fact, it takes a much stronger person to admit when they are wrong or that their spouse has a better idea. This communicates that the focus is on the issue and not about who thought of the solution. This promotes mutual respect and will not only help a marital relationship, but any relationship. After all, we are dealing on a daily basis with human thoughts and feelings of others and not just our own.

“The wives of men who accept their influence are far less likely to be harsh with their husbands when broaching a difficult marital topic. This increases the odds their marriage will survive.” (Gottman, 2015)

“Accepting influence doesn’t mean never expressing negative emotions towards your partner. Marriages can survive plenty of flashes of anger, complaints, even criticisms. Trying to suppress negative feelings in your spouse’s presence wouldn’t be good for your marriage or your blood pressure.” (Gottman, 2015)

In President Benson’s general conference talk title, Beware of Pride, he explains that the esteem and respect that we show ourselves and others is only a reflection of the esteem and respect for God and Jesus Christ.

“Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?” (Benson, 1989)