Who's the Boss?

While reading the article, Who’s the Boss, by Dr Richard Miller, I realized that my parents are Rock stars! Of course, they are far from perfect, but they did a pretty great job as parents. All of the points that are recommended for couples are things that my parents have been practicing for years. There are four points that really stood out to me in regards to my parents.

1.      Parents must be unified in their leadership. Occasionally my dad would slip me a five and tell me to run to the store for some Dr Pepper which my mom would not approve of, but was a special bond between dad and us. Outside of his DP cravings, there was no way that I could pit one of my parents against the other and believe me, I tried. Even if one of my parents was DEAD WRONG, they would not take my side. Their unity was as solid as oak. They also never fought in front of us. That does not mean that they never had a fight, but they always had their discussions in private and then presented their results to the family as a unified couple. The only time that I remember a “melt down” was at a family reunion where my dad put his hand on my mom’s should and said “we need to go for a walk.”

2.      The parent child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults. My parents have adapted the need to know basis once we all became adults. Our family moto is “I don’t want to know the petty details of your problems or fights because I need to be able to sit with that person at the Thanksgiving table each year.”

3.      The marital relationship should be a partnership. My parents are super supportive of one another and they do absolutely everything together whether it is taxes or grocery shopping. The talk to each other and the discussion stops there by confiding only in each other.

4.      Husbands and wives have different responsibilities, but function as equals. They make every single decision together despite growing up in a time when women had nothing to do with the finances and men had little or nothing to do with the house or the children. There has been a clear definition of my dad as the patriarch and priesthood holder while my mom is the nurturer and glue of the family. They treat each other as equals in every other way. They have a deep respect for one another’s strengths and talents which is quite admirable.

I am grateful for parents who gave my siblings and I the gift of parent who love and respect each other. This alone created a sense of safety and peace in our home. Their trust and respect for one another trickled down to a unified trust and respect for our family which turned into trustworthy adult children (six children and not one of us had a curfew…they expressed their trust in us to make the right decision and held us to the natural consequences of making a bad choice). I love them!!